Suicide Girls Must Die! - Unrated
R1 - America - First Look Studios
Review written by and copyright: Jeremiah Chin (7th July 2010).
The Film

For everyone who wanted more nudity in their reality shows or more plot and less depth in their softcore porn, here comes “the first reality horror movie” “Suicide Girls Must Die!” (2010). Boasting no actors and no script, the film is basically an excuse to film a suicide girls photoshoot somewhere in the Maine wilderness with some pretty terrible music spliced into the mix. But of course to really take on the reality flavor they give everyone handheld cameras, create a confessional booth and stage some stunts to try and scare the models.

Here’s where I usually try to give a plot synopsis, but really that’s all there is to the movie. It starts with them going to Maine, they do some nude modeling, sequences are set to music stills and close-ups on them doing some nude modeling. Spooky stuff starts happening, people react in the confessional booth, people start disappearing and nobody notices until about an hour in to the movie. But even after they’re supposed to be thinking that people are getting murdered and disappearing, they still find some time to do some nude modeling.

The reality angle of the film is really just a lazy reference to reality style television, because nothing about it actually feels real, every death or disappearance that happens is pretty corny and goes by quickly, a couple people seem to notice in the house and then they just go shoot some more modeling shots. And really any sort of drama they try to create is parely above the level of catfighting you would see inside of any dating show, only this one is filled with tattooed and pierced women with punk hair styles.

I think I get what Suicide Girls is trying to do, present alternative images for artistic/pornographic (depending on perspective) purposes, but really this is about as scary as the Halloween issue of your porno magazine of choice. Unless your porno magazine of choice tends to feature non-white girls, guys or non-tattooed people because there are few to none of those in the movie. The directing tries to go for reality style filmmaking, but it feels more phony than any movie that goes for the shaky handheld style. Really it seems like Sawa Suicide saw a few episodes of “Fear” (2001) on reruns and decided to just throw some of their models in a more fraudulent situation.

Honestly, just look at some porn if you want to get some fill of nudity, you can avoid the weak plot of suicide girls and find something that acknowledges it’s main goal. Many great horror movies have slight or superficial elements of nudity, and pornos can have superficial elements of horror, but they still manage to stay on track with their goal. Suicide Girls aspires to be something it’s not, going for a full on reality experience that you get entertained by, but really it’s just a typical nude modeling reel with no real plot point other than making some of it’s participants disappear and cry in the course of filming. But when you aren’t servicing the horror aspect of it by getting scary, you aren’t servicing the character aspect of the reality show and you occasionally service the nudity aspect, just drop the pretense of horror and shoot a softcore porn movie.

Video

The DVD is presented in a 1.78:1 widescreen anamorphic aspect ratio with the sort of varying camera quality you would expect from the reality filmmaking they’re going for. Some cameras shoot nice HD-looking images that actually have some good lighting and contrast, while others just are a mush of grain that doesn’t make a ton of sense, but neither does the movie so it matches up pretty well. But these inconsistencies come out of the filming itself, so the disc’s transfer may or may not be well done because of the original processing of the film.

Audio

The audio however is an English Dolby Digital 5.1 surround track, you can see everyone hooked up to wireless microphones hooked into a central camera meaning a better audio transfer where you can pretty much hear everyone clearly. The soundtrack starts to grate on your nerves after the first few minutes if it’s not your style of music, and for me it’s just a little too indie to deal with. Throw these in with some cheesy sound effects and some stock horror tracks to try and set the mood for the movie and you have an okay transfer with some pretty terrible sound to pump out.
No optional subtitles are included.

Extras

Suprisingly the movie has extras, not a ton of features, but a brief featurette, a photo gallery, theatrical trailer and bonus trailers. Below is a closer look.

“Rigel’s Confession” featurette runs for 2 minutes and 6 seconds. Rigel talks about what her job in Maine was supposed to be and a bit about the movie and how she was scared.

The photo gallery is really just a collection of the pictures that were taken played as a slideshow, which runs for 49 seconds. If you watched the movie you’ve seen the pictures, but they’re actually tamer than any of the photoshoots in the movie.

The theatrical trailer runs for 1 minute and 32 seconds.

There are even some bonus trailers on the disc including:

- “SuicideGirls: Guide to Living” runs for 1 minute and 9 seconds.
- “SuicideGirls: Italian Villa” runs for 1 minute and 14 seconds.
- “Bad Lieutenant: Port Of Call New Orleans” runs for 2 minutes and 32 seconds.
- “Costa Rican Summer” runs for 56 seconds.

Overall

The Film: F Video: C Audio: C Extras: F Overall: D

 


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