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Cougars, Inc.
[Blu-ray]
Blu-ray A - America - Lions Gate Home Entertainment Review written by and copyright: Anthony Arrigo (26th June 2011). |
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The Film
 The term “cougar” reminds me of “bling”, in that what was once marginally hip slang has become something that has irreversibly jumped the shark. When your parents start to use it, you know it’s dead. These days, it seems like every woman over the age of 40 is a cougar, regardless of how hot she actually may be. Perhaps it’s also telling that there seems to be a real glut of teacher-student affairs as of late, proving that many young, virile high school boys aren’t content with being hot for teacher – they need to bang her, too. Even major cable network ABC has joined in on the fun, producing a sitcom, “Cougar Town” (2009-Present), starring Courtney Cox. Maybe this is some kind of female empowerment movement – men have been getting away with dating women young enough to be their grandkids, so now it’s a woman’s turn to reclaim a part of her youth with a younger lover? Whether that’s true or not, the fact is that everyone seems to be hot to capitalize on the term, branding everything from t-shirts to bumper stickers. Hell, there’s even a website dedicated to helping you find a more mature lover. And, now, of course, we’ve got films wholly dedicated to this phenomenon. “Cougars, Inc.” (2011) is one of them. The biggest problem it has it that it brings nothing new to the table. The film centers on Sam (Kyle Gallner, master of looking both brooding and like he’s got a massive dump on deck), a prep school delinquent who faces losing out on his expensive education when his former Playmate mother realizes she can no longer afford tuition. After meeting an older & bolder woman, Alison (Kathryn Morris) at a bar, he gets the ingenious idea to start a cougar escort service so he can afford to pay the $20,000/semester his schooling costs. Alison rounds up some of her bored housewife friends, and Sam pawns them off on his fellow students. Problem (seemingly) solved. This should’ve been a raucous, puerile romp following around some hot soccer moms getting nailed by everyone on campus. But director K. Asher Levin decided to go for something more emotional & serious, eschewing much-needed levity in favor of things like learning life lessons. Bo-ring. I’m not sure how seriously he expected anyone to take a film with this title, but I’d guess the only crowd halfway interested in watching it probably also owns all of the “American Pie” series (1999-present) DVD's. I appreciate the fact that he wanted to make a film with a little more substance, but it ultimately rings hollow in the end and serious film fans aren’t going to feel like wasting time on it. I suppose if I were 14 years-old and the internet hadn’t been invented, I’d find some fleeting use for the nudity on display. But that doesn’t move titles anymore. Any kid with a computer can see a pair of tits faster than I can check my email, and I can assure you none of the women involved with this project are worth chapter skipping to view in the buck. Not everything is a total waste – Jim Belushi gives a good performance as the school’s headmaster, Dan. He doesn’t stray anywhere outside his comedic box, but his role is just about the only thing to lend some credibility to the film. I don’t think it bodes well for a movie when Jim Belushi is the shining beacon of light, but when everything else is so mediocre, you latch onto whatever you can. I mean, when you’ve got Denise Richards on the outside of your box it’s practically akin to filling each package with excrement. She’s a joke, so unless we’re getting a remake of the pool scene from “Wild Things” (1998), I think it’s safe to say most people would rather take a pass. There are hints of creativity at play here. Many of Sam’s scenes begin with a question posed to the audience via some scribbled text on a college-ruled sheet of paper. One on hand, it’s a unique way to engage the audience in Sam’s past as well dealing with his present situations. I looked at it more as a lazy way to get exposition out to the audience without having to find a way to cleverly write it into the script. This isn’t a film where narration is needed or wanted; it didn’t feel organic to the project. Maybe if this had been a movie that took some chances, played up to its expected demographic, then it could get away with some of these artistic flourishes, but it ends up being yet another clichéd picture that does nothing to establish itself as something original. Everything can be telegraphed from the moment scenes are introduced, and if you already know where the film you’re watching is going to go, then where’s the fun in getting there?
Video
Yawn. The 2.35:1 1080p 24/fps AVC MPEG-4 encoded transfer lives life right on the line between standard and high definition. It looks flat as a pancake, with zero depth to the image. Nothing pops off the screen; there are no radiant, vibrant colors to dazzle your eyes. It looks like the filmmakers played around with contrast levels and color shading because many scenes have distinct tones that don’t appear to be natural. Not that it matters much since they don’t appear to have done anything to make it look better. Darker scenes looked crushed and drab, leaving shadow detail to be completely devoured. It isn’t among the worst transfers I’ve seen; it just does absolutely nothing on this format.
Audio
The English DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1 surround sound track mixed at 48kHz/24-bit fares about the same. It’s perfectly adequate, doing what is expected of it when required, but this is a film reliant on dialogue and it’s fairly straight forward. There isn’t much, if anything, going on in the rears and the LFE gets a solid 82-minute nap as it snoozes away during the film. Every gravelly syllable out of Gallner’s mouth sounds clear, though, and I didn’t note any disparity between the levels of dialogue and extra-diegetic music. And, as you might expect, Denise Richards sounds just as shrill in lossless audio. Subtitles are included for English for the hearing impaired and Spanish.
Extras
The audio commentary with writer/director K. Asher Levin and actors Kyle Gallner and Kathryn Morris is almost better than the film itself. There’s plenty of discussion to be had, and while Levin fills us in on many of the film’s technical details, Gallner and Morris are there to add some humor and provide on-set anecdotes. A single deleted scene (1080p) runs for 3 minutes and 31 seconds. This is mostly an extended scene of Sam speaking with Dan about his mother’s inability to pay for his schooling any further. “Cougar 101” (1080i) featurette runs for 3 minutes and 1 seconds. Watch real-life prep school douchebags define the meaning of what a cougar really is. The film’s theatrical trailer (480p) runs for 1 minute and 51 seconds. The disc also includes bonus trailers (1080p) for other Lionsgate releases: - “My Best Friend’s Girl” runs for 2 minutes and 32 seconds. - “Good Luck Chuck” runs for 2 minutes and 21 seconds. - “Epix promo” runs for 1 minute and 6 seconds. - “Break.com promo” runs for 57 seconds. A bookmarks feature is also included.
Overall
This should’ve been a comedy, not a dramedy. The humor is flat, the plot is transparent and it’s one of those films that just happens to exist in this world. I’ve seen it, now I’ll forget about it and just keep living my life.
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