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Honeymoon in Vegas
[Blu-ray]
Blu-ray A - America - Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment Review written by and copyright: Ethan Stevenson (12th August 2011). |
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The Film
 There’s at least one scene in “Honeymoon In Vegas” that all Nicolas Cage connoisseurs need to see. It comes early and you can probably find it online, so I won’t recommend the Blu-ray purely based on the awesome power of the absurd sight (it lasts less than 30 seconds and, spoiler alert, the film and Blu-ray are otherwise horrible). Nevertheless, crazy Cage, a P.I. in a creepy mustache and aviator sunglasses, trying to hide behind a newspaper while stalking a woman like some inept dick straight out of the worst Noir ever conceived – complete with labored narration (Cage-arration?) – is quite promising. It leaves you pondering just how insane the film will get from there (perhaps, “Deadfall”-esque (1993), one hopes?). It’s just so completely from left field that, like bear costumes and blood-pissing freakouts at the pharmacy counter, it proves even the worst Nicolas Cage movies have at least something to see (per usual, with mouth agape). Unfortunately, Mr. Cage’s character, Jack Singer, only dons the mustache one more time in the film. A few minutes later he hangs around an elementary school playground, and looks equally maniacal-n-mustached (he’s LESS than one windowless white van and fake puppy away from murderous pedophile). But that’s it. Ten-or-so minutes in, the mustache comes off and with it, nearly all the reasons to see the film vanish. Writer/director Andrew Bergman’s “Honeymoon In Vegas” never delivers on its promise of extrapolating on the insane ‘stached Cage-isms lingering on the fringes of the early frames. Instead, the horrible film is a pretty standard, if unusually mean-spirited, “romantic” “comedy” (quotes needed; both terms are debatably applicable to the film, but equally not.) And Cage spends most of “Vegas” hopping from city to city, in airports and on airplanes, chasing after a lecherous, fiancé-stealing, bookie (James Caan) and Singer’s bride-to-be, played by a very, very young Carrie Bradshaw –er, I mean, Sarah Jessica Parker. They jet from New York, to Las Vegas, to Hawaii, and, for some reason, back (question for anyone: would you rather marry on a beautiful beach in Kauai or in the Chapel o’ Love in Sin City? I’m guessing most people, but not, stupidly for some reason, those in “Honeymoon In Vegas”, would choose the picturesque beach). Equally head-scratching is a number of odd cameos, and scene-stealing supporting characters, which sort of make the "Vegas" a strange curiosity. Their presence doesn’t improve the picture one iota, and these quirky characters are frankly more distracting than anything… but, the fleeting faces of Pat Morita as a loony taxi driver named Mahi Mahi, Peter Boyle playing an even loonier tribal chief with a love of Rodgers & Hammerstein musicals, and Ben Stein as a troublesome airline ticket holder, are almost as arresting as that damned mustache. And Keone Young is sublimely over the top as Eddie the Asian Elvis; his scene-stealing overacting makes even the most outrageous Cage performance look subtle. No less than thirty other Elvis impersonators show up over the course of the film but Eddie is without a doubt my “favorite”; yes, he’s even more bafflingly entertaining than the God-disprovingly-awful Kid Elvis (played by a five-year-old Bruno Mars). It’s obvious from the new, photoshopped, cover of MGM’s Blu-ray release of “Vegas” that the distributor hopes to lure female fans of Parker’s career-making hit HBO series into the horrible pit of despair that is, quite possibly, the worst film on the resume of anyone involved (and man, considering the cast, that’s saying something). But, despite superficial box-art appearances, “Vegas” is nothing like “Sex In The City” (1998-2004) – and I have my own reservations about that series, even if it comes out looking like a masterpiece compared to Bergman’s unfunny and uncomfortable rom-com; but I digress – and Sarah Jessica Parker does little in the film besides stand around and poorly act. To be fair, Parker plays Betsy, an illogically written character that’d rather run off with Caan’s gangster-ish Tommy Corman after one night in Vegas, and a four-day holiday in Hawaii, than marry the wishy-washy but presumably law-abiding Singer. But that’s only because, like most awful romantic comedies, a simple misunderstanding that could easily be remedied by a phone-call or face-to-face that never happens, keeps Betsy under the assumption that Singer willfully lent his beloved to the loan shark – whom he owed $60,000 – as payment. The truth is, Corman manipulated the card game in his favor so he could spend the week with Betsy – who he “loves” because she has an uncanny resemblance to his dead wife. Caan plays an awful, awful man. Admittedly, he does a decent job, but Corman is still a terribly unlikable, vile character that I’d rather never have watched. And honestly, Cage and Parker’s roles are cringingly appalling – and decidedly worse acted – too. “Vegas”, like the ugly city that gives it its namesake, is a miserable experience from the beginning to end. Save for the part with the sunglasses and mustache. And the very first scene, where Singer’s mother, played by Anne Bancroft, dies, the words “never marry” escaping in her last breath, all while Cage cries crocodile tears (which is horrible garbage, but of the so-bad-it’s-good variety, unlike most everything else on display here). “Honeymoon In Vegas” is a detestable, but forgettable movie, which is great because I’ll be happy to soon have it purged from my memory.
Video
Ugly. Completely and totally freaking ugly. That’s “Honeymoon In Vegas” in a nutshell. Not only does ugly describe the characters and story of Bergman’s film, but also the painfully bland cinematography and hideous 1.85:1 1080p 24/fps AVC MPEG-4 transfer too. “Vegas” is an inconsistent – or, rather consistently terrible – mess on Blu-ray. Print damage is ever-present, grain is heavy and obtrusive, and noise pervades the entire presentation. The image is flat and contrast is dull; blacks are crushed and shadow detail is weak. The 35mm photography is intentionally soft and hazy, but worsened by the poor source, which often has no discernable detail or any evidence of sharpness beyond mediocre standard definition, and jostles up and down, side-to-side at will. Traces of edge enhancement linger on the corners of hard objects and DNR leaves certain scenes looking artificial and waxy. Wonky color reproduction is a distracting, consistently troubling, nuisance; skin tones are reddish orange and flushed in one scene, sickly purple-pink in the next, and then pale and cold after that. Nighttime scenes are atrocious, with oppressive darkness cloaking anything not covered in thick grain and noise, while daylight exteriors can show a tiny bit of clarity and life-like color, but are just as bad in their worst moments as the dank night. Tommy’s conversation with his goon (played by Johnny Williams) while they walk around the hotel pool is especially disgusting. Unfortunately some of the footage from Hawaii looks okay, but those brief moments of mediocrity only make the truly weak scenes look so much worse. This is the first time that “Honeymoon in Vegas” has been available in its proper widescreen aspect ratio on home video, and I suppose that counts for something… but not much. It’s obvious that MGM has used an old master that was never meant for anything other than down-conversion for the DVD format. This master isn’t fit for an HDTV broadcast, much less a Blu-ray.
Audio
MGM hasn’t tried to fake a 5.1 surround mix here, and instead keeps the film’s original arrangement intact via an English DTS-HD Master Audio 2.0 stereo. This is an undistinguished, barely serviceable track. Volume is unbalanced, dialogue is occasionally fuzzy and thin in spots, music lacks the depth and clarity that it should have, and the entire thing is undersupplied in the way of robust dynamics. Some of the Elvis tunes – or covers of Elvis Presley tunes (from Willie Nelson, Bruce Springsteen, Amy Grant, Jeff Beck, and others, and coincidentally the one admirable thing in the actual film) – sound all right, with a decent quality to them, but only sometimes. At its worst, this is a limp and unexciting sonic experience; at its best “Honeymoon in Vegas” sounds almost passable. The disc also includes Spanish Dolby Digital 2.0 dual mono and French Dolby Digital 2.0 dual mono with optional English, Spanish and French subtitles.
Extras
The only special feature is an awful theatrical trailer (1.85:1 1080p, 2 minutes 4 seconds). Did I say awful? I’m sorry, no, that’s wrong. The trailer for “Honeymoon in Vegas” is awesome(ly inept). It includes more from my favorite character – Eddie the Asian Elvis – and redubs the bestline in the film from, “you brought me to Las Vegas and turned me into a whore, Jack!” to, “you brought me to Las Vegas and turned me into a [awkward volume shift]HOOKER[/awkward volume shift], Jack!” Also, the trailer looks worse than the proper Blu-ray presentation, which I didn’t know was possible.
Packaging
“Honeymoon in Vegas” arrives on Blu-ray from MGM and 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment. Originally released as a Target exclusive, the Blu-ray is now available at most major retailers. The single layered BD-25 is packaged inside an eco-Elite keepcase, complete with terribly devious cover art that makes the movie look like something it isn’t ("Sex and the City 3" this is not).
Overall
“Honeymoon in Vegas” is an ugly film, with a mean spirited (not to mention illogical) script, unlikable characters, and some spotty acting. The film is supposedly a comedy, but it isn’t particularly funny. The constant cameos are distracting and, aside from the scene-stealing Eddie the Asian Elvis and a couple of creepy scenes with Nicolas Cage in a fake mustache and Aviators, there’s nothing here of note. Even fans of the film will want to pass on this Blu-ray release. The 1080p transfer presents "Vegas" in its original aspect ratio (a first for home video), but is otherwise terrible. The audio is dull and dated. There are no extras other than an unintentionally hilarious trailer. Skip it.
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