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The Switch
[Blu-ray]
Blu-ray A - America - Lions Gate Home Entertainment Review written by and copyright: Anthony Arrigo (13th March 2012). |
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The Film
 Jennifer Aniston might just be the luckiest girl working in Hollywood today. Not everyone can successfully make the transition from TV to film, and Jen likely would have failed as miserably as her other “Friends” (1994-2004) if not for one major career boost: her husband banged one of the hottest women in the world. That was all it took to gain a lifetime supply of sympathy, which has clearly led to many of her Hollywood friends continually giving her scripts and getting her work. But the problem is that almost none of the films she stars in are often any good. Even the good ones (like Mike Judge’s 1999 cult classic, “Office Space”) would have been just as well off if her role had been filled by another mid-30's head turner. This isn’t some tirade against the woman – I think she’s a gorgeous piece of tail with decent acting abilities – but I think it’s obvious she isn’t silver screen material… although, fewer and fewer actors are these days, but that’s an argument for another time. Most of her films bomb hard unless she’s a part of a larger ensemble (like last year’s “Horrible Bosses” (2011)), and “The Switch” (2010) was no exception to that rule. It banked a paltry $27m, which proves that even women have abandoned paying for her films as a way of sympathizing with her through patronage. After watching the film, I can understand why. Kassie Larson (Jennifer Aniston) is a single, successful, hot woman living in New York City and working for a television studio. Wait, what? Yeah, apparently hot women with thriving careers are a dime a dozen in the Big Apple. She spends most of her time with Wally (Jason Bateman), her best friend who apparently has no interest in sleeping with his gorgeous bosom buddy. Kassie feels empty inside, so naturally the solution is to welcome a child into this world. But with no man to top her off, she’s going modern and having a sperm donor provide the required sample. Wally, however, thinks it’s a terrible idea, creating a rift between the two that is partially mended when she invites him to her pregnancy party. What’s that, you ask? It’s an awkward event where women get hammered with the sperm donor, Roland (Patrick Wilson), in attendance, who then jerks off and leaves his sample in the bathroom on what looks like a coffee warming hot plate. Wally thinks this is as awkward as anyone else would, so he drinks. A lot. So much so that when he goes to use the bathroom he decides to mess around with Roland’s sample… and accidentally pours it out in the sink. Good thing he’s a guy with a penis, so that receptacle is refilled in no time. Kassie winds up getting pregnant, but she also decides to move back home to Minnesota because “it’s a better place to raise kids”. Well, flash forward seven years and Kassie lands a sweet gig with ABC in New York, leading her right back into Wally’s life, only now she’s got a 6-year-old boy named Sebastian (Thomas Robinson). A boy who looks, acts and talks very much like her good friend Wally. As pieces of the evening begin to come back to him (like using a magazine graced with Diane Sawyer’s face to get his rocks off), he realizes that Sebastian might just be his son. There’s a problem, though. (Isn’t there always one?): Roland and Kassie have begun dating, and Wally needs to break out of his own shell to confront Kassie with the reality of who her son’s father is before she winds up with Roland for good. This is an offensively bland film, and it reminds me what I dislike about rom-coms. They’re just so fake and cloying. It’s a female masturbatory fantasy stretched out to feature film length. Everything is played safe here – dialogue, comedy, tense situations. Nothing felt genuine enough to believe it. These characters are also part of that annoying breed that can never speak when they should. You know how there are things we – the audience – are practically begging a character to say in a film. The opportunities are there to just get out a few words that will likely change the situation drastically, often for the better, but they never say anything. Actually, that isn’t true; they save those special words for the end of the film. You know, so we can really savor the moment, as if they weren’t ever going to get a chance to get it out. If I could ever tolerate a rom-com, it’s going to be one that has some balls, one that isn’t afraid to get our characters a little dirty before cleaning them up. Or maybe never cleaning them up at all would be even better. But not this. This is a neutered film devoid of any testosterone influence. This is the film you agree to see with your girlfriend so she agrees to watch Manly Action Movie; it’s not something men are meant to enjoy. There’s one faint glimmer of hope here: Jeff Goldblum. I love me some Goldblum. He’s doing his thing here, acting neurotic and talking…inthatcadence…. that… onlyhe… can pull off. His impulsive, flashbulb thoughts are often characterized by a quick succession of words followed by several pauses and false starts in dialogue. His character here only exists so Wally has someone else with a dick to bounce ideas off, though. And so that he can fill us in on details from Wally’s drunken night (which he amazingly remembers some 7 years later). He’s Exposition Character. I kept hoping he would transform into Brundlefly midway through the film and melt Wally’s face off with his stomach acids. Sadly, this never occurred. Here’s a fun game to play while you watch the film: take a shot every time you see Jennifer Aniston’s eyes go crazy. You’ll be so plastered you won’t make it to the hour mark. She does this thing when she’s acting opposite anyone else where her eyes dart back and forth so quickly you’ll swear she’s either the world’s fastest cue card reader, or she’s smoked a lot of meth. The biggest laughs I got out of the film were from watching her eyes play a round of pong with each other. Someone should’ve given her CGI eyes in post because I don’t know how anyone could see that and not find it distracting. Once you see it, you cannot unsee it. Lest anyone think I’m too biased from the start (since I’ve stated numerous times before that I can’t stomach rom-com pictures), let it be known that I truly do go into every film with an open mind. Hell, I was even willing to give one of the “Twilight” (2008-2012) moves a fair shake, but this was just a middling failure on every level. It’s not even a colossal failure because it had no grand ideas or ambitions. Everything was played close to the vest, and all we ended up with is a toothless “comedy” that brings nothing new to the table. I will pay you money if you can’t guess EXACTLY how this film ends simply by reading the summary on the back of the Blu-ray case. Rom-coms like this are pumped out every year, with the same boring plots, and unless someone is willing to make one that takes some chances they’re all going to look, feel and end in the same way. How dreadful is that?
Video
I expected a bit more out of the film’s 2.35:1 1080p 24/fps VC-1 encoded image. The picture has a “heavy” look to it, with many scenes featuring over-saturated hues that look like they’re about to bleed. Other scenes have an almost washed-out quality to them. It’s a weird look for a film of this ilk, and I suspect post-production tinkering did more harm than good for the image. New York City looks great at night, although it’s clear that they shot minimally around the city. The best looking scenes of the film occur right at the end, when Wally and Kassie are outside in natural lighting. In that scene, colors and skin tones are spot-on, looking so much better than the rest of the picture that you’ll wonder what the hell they were thinking grading the rest so curiously. The picture has a nice, fine layer of grain to add a filmic quality to the presentation. Detail and sharpness are a mixed bag. The image has all the markings of a high-definition image, but at times the over-saturated colors, and the palette used, can leave things looking slightly murky or muddy. Frankly, it can get ugly. I don’t understand what kind of aesthetic the filmmakers were going for here, but it doesn’t work.
Audio
There’s not much to say about the English DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1 track mixed at 48kHz/24-bit. Like many films of this type, it’s front-loaded and limited in dynamics. The rear speakers are put to some use by filling out sounds of New York City, but the mix on them is so faint that it was barely perceptible to my ears. The only time I could really hear them being given something to do was when a generic pop song came blasting through. Otherwise, it’s a ho-hum track that services the film perfectly, but there’s nothing to distinguish it as being anything other than that. Subtitles are available in English, English for the hearing impaired, French and Spanish.
Extras
There’s not a lot here – mostly just a bunch of deleted scenes, a featurette, some bloopers and bonus trailers. I’m a little surprised there’s no audio commentary, but that could be due to the film’s unquestionable failure at the box office. This isn’t the kind of film that fails there but enjoys a healthy shelf life on home video. It’ll die on the vine, like it should. “The Switch Conceived” (1080p) is a featurette that runs for 14 minutes and 37 seconds. This was based on a short story? Yes, apparently it was. A 1996 story called “Baster” was the inspiration for the project, which the film’s director and writer for some reason felt needed to be stretched out to make a feature film. After that little nugget of information, the rest of the piece focuses on casting, location, etc. You know, all that standard EPK stuff. There are several deleted scenes (1080p) with introductions (not optional) by co-directors Josh Gordon and Will Speck: - “Wally on Train” runs for 2 minutes and 10 seconds, extended version of Wally on the train, but this take features a voiceover narration by him. - “Kassie on Train” runs for 2 minutes and 21 seconds, she sizes up potential sperm donors on her ride home. - “Dog Thing” runs for 2 minutes and 14 seconds, Kassie says she knows what would be the perfect dog for Wally. - “What’s His Deal?” runs for 1 minute and 47 seconds, Wally asks another partygoer about the film school douche Kassie is talking to. - “Alternate Pregnancy Hijack” runs for 2 minutes and 55 seconds, in this version Wally is more intentional in his swap of the sperm. - “Tell Me Now” runs for 2 minutes and 41 seconds, Wally wants Kassie to tell him something she wants to wait on. - “To The Moon We Go” runs for 2 minutes and 28 seconds, more bedtime reading with Sebastian. - “Taxi to Kassie’s” runs for 2 minutes and 7 seconds, Wally rushes to Kassie’s and tells the cabbie all about the situation on the way there. - “A Man & His Kayak” runs for 1 minute and 40 seconds, Kassie tells Wally about a seminar Roland took her to. - “Alternate Ending” runs for 4 minutes and 30 seconds, Kassie is inexplicably pregnant with another child (Roland’s?), so Wally accepts it and they live together with their 2 kids. The directors said this was trimmed because it felt too thin; there’s no final send off for any of the other characters. The theatrical ending was better. A reel of bloopers (1080p) runs for 3 minutes and 45 seconds. There are bonus trailers (1080p) included for the following Lionsgate releases: - “The Lincoln Lawyer” runs for 2 minutes and 27 seconds. - “From Prada to Nada” runs for 2 minutes and 34 seconds. - “Killers” runs for 2 minutes and 10 seconds.
Packaging
The single disc comes housed in an eco-case with a slip-cover adorning first pressings.
Overall
This film aided in solidifying my stance on romantic comedies: just don’t.
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